Pooping at the Park

      Taking my little grandsons to the park sounded like a wonderful idea.  The boys were swinging and squealing, and jumping and running, when out of the blue, Ryder, the three year old, lets out a blood curdling scream!  Looking up, I realize he is holding his hiney as he runs towards me!  He frantically yells, “I have to poop!”    Now there is no bathroom, so in a panic, I quickly grab a couple of peanut butter and jelly stained napkins from our picnic lunch and prop him up by an isolated tree with his britches around his ankles.  At this point, his older brother, Cross, squats down beside him and announces, “Nana, I am going to watch it come out!”  I am not sure, but I am thinking there is a city ordinance stating that it is not proper to publicly poop at the park.  I can just imagine the 6:00 news discussing a pooping perpetrator at the park.  I am frantically looking from side to side hoping that nobody else walks up on this scene.   I am sure I sounded like a cheerleader as I encouraged him by repeatedly chanting, “Hurry, poop, poop, poop!”   Between my cheers and his brothers ogling, suddenly everything came to a halt with NO results.  Batting his cute little blue eyes and not caring that he is practically naked at the park and trying to crap under a tree, the boy exclaims, “It went away!”  Footnote:  The next time I take my grandkids to the park, I will be bringing the dog’s pooper scooper and a plastic bag.  Who knew!

Invisible Wounds

                          

               After getting my grandson, Ryder, ready for preschool, he quickly disappeared. Suddenly he returned with a band-aid that he obviously wanted to wear to school.  I exclaimed, “Awwww, do you have a boo-boo?” Knowing he didn’t, I attempted to put it on his arm.  Smiling sweetly, he pointed to his flawless little forehead.  I gingerly applied the band aid to his fake injury and kissed the delicate pretend wound. 

          Proudly, Ryder sauntered into his preschool classroom that morning, where the teacher immediately made a fuss over his invisible wound.  You would have thought he had gone bungee jumping, catapulted 400 feet in the air, and landed on his forehead.  Smiling in the background, I now understood why he wanted to wear the band-aid.  

          As I reflect on that morning, I am reminded that there are people all around us who have invisible wounds  –  death of a loved one, picking up the pieces of a broken family, loss of health, feelings of rejection, loss of a job, financial troubles, heartbreak from a broken relationship, or disappointments. 

          Invisible wounds seem to hurt even more during the Christmas season. We are surrounded by people who just want the season over.  Thank goodness we have a loving compassionate God who has a ready supply of band-aids to put on our invisible wounds.  His word tells us, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3). 

           God’s word tells us not to look out only for our own interests, but to take an interest in others, too (Philippians 2:4).  As I think about my “area of influence” I am asking God to help me to be sensitive to those around me with invisible wounds, those who are struggling through this Christmas season.  I want to live out my faith in front of others and make the most of every opportunity (Colossians 4:5).

                                                                                                         

Prayer:  Dear God, thank you that you specialize in using ordinary people.  Lead me to people with invisible wounds, and show me a way to bless them.  Help me to live out my faith in front of others and be a positive influence.  Guide me supernaturally and use me to touch the brokenhearted!  Help me not to lose opportunities that I will never get back.  Read:   Psalm 147:3; Philippians 2:4; Colossians 4:5;   

      

                                                                               

                                                                                                   

Blood in the Classroom

      Every now and then as a teacher you have to deal with blood in the classroom and today was one of those days for me! It all began when one of my students got a nose bleed….I mean a gushing bloody nose. I started thinking that one of the bears from Disney’s Country Bear Jamboree was going to pop out of the wall and start singing, “There was blood on the table and blood all around! And a great big puddle of blood on the ground."

      After the student was handled, I knew I had to take care of the blood on the ground. My problem is that we have little colored cards we send to the office to summon help; I get confused on what color of card to send to the office to summon the correct help (i.e.the custodian so he can follow the proper sterilization measures for blood). Unfortunately, I sent the purple card, which I soon discovered means “send a guidance counselor” (sorry about that).

       Finally,the blood was all was cleaned up, and my next class arrived. Just as I felt like my breathing was returning to normal, a voice bellowed out, Ms. Wise, “Why is there blood all over the bathroom floor?” No, I did not send the purple card!

Common Core Woes

A game no one wants to play 
and no one can win!

Stylish Pants

        Not your mama’s pants! If you look closely, you will realize that these are pants….cat pants on the left and doughnut pants on the right! I stumbled across them while shopping Saturday. No, I did not try them on; if I had, I am sure my reflection would have been looking back at me shaking its head! Hmmmmm….I wonder if I could get away with wearing them to work!

Keep Calm and Sing

I realize that most parents and grandparents post videos of their talented little ones; however, that is not the case here.  I am posting this because my grandson, Cross, cannot carry a tune (much like me).  You have to hang in there until he belts out, “….all is bright!”  I think it actually gets a little worse at that point.  Keep Calm and Sing Silent Night!

Fat Mirror or Skinny Mirror

         Mirror mirror on the wall! You know that full length mirror that all women own……the one where we stand back and scrutinize ourselves in from all angles (and I do mean ALL) before we head out the door. Well, on my daughter, Jodi’s, recent visit, she completely turned me against my mirror. As she was looking at herself in my full length mirror, she said, “You know mom, your mirror is a skinny mirror!” Puzzled, I replied, “What do you mean a skinny mirror?” She proceeded to tell me that it makes you look skinnier that you really are! I think I actually heard my mirror gasp at this point. To be honest, I was not thinking that I looked particularly skinny in my mirror to begin with! Now I am not sure if I should go purchase a “fat mirror” or just keep my skinny mirror. Mirror mirror on the wall, surely you do lie!

Potty Training Gone Bad

        My grandsons, Cross and Ryder, were recently featured on America's Funniest Home Videos for this little incident.  Cross, the older one, decided to snatch the potty training seat out from under his little brother "on an accident". This must have been right after he decided Ryder should also brush his teeth while perched on the toilet.

JOKIN IN THE JOHN

        JOKIN IN THE JOHN! When I walked into the bathroom at work recently, I suddenly heard a male voice say, “Well come on in, I’ve saved you the best seat in the house!” Glancing around, I noticed this little Halloween ghost perched on top of the paper towel holder. For the sake of this story, I will just call him “John”. John, who was holding a toilet plunger, continued making wise cracks to me throughout my entire visit to the powder room. John made me very uncomfortable; especially when he said, “It must be Halloween; I just saw a full moon!” Thank goodness John has disappeared!

           

Behavior Intervention

     Several weeks ago, one of my students brought me a bag of chocolate candy.  I am not sure I can adequately describe this bag of candy.  It had obviously been in the bottom of his backpack for a couple weeks, left in the sweltering sun at some point, and I am not ruling out, ran over by a steam roller.  Obviously there was no way I could put this flattened mess in the candy jar.  Well last week, he approached me as he was leaving class and sweetly said, “Ms. Wise, when are you going to put my bag of candy in the candy jar?”  Bless his little pumpkin heart…..now I feel bad that I threw it out.  Looks like I will be buying a bag of chocolate candy this week.  Anyone know where I can rent a steam roller?  Maybe I can just iron it and get the same effect.  I wish I had taken a picture of it; however I did not know I would have to go on a guilt trip over throwing it away!  #ironingcandy

Practical Joke Gone Bad

          A new custodian came into my classroom today!  Suddenly he was motioning towards the front of the classroom and very upset!  I had no idea why he was excited as everything he was saying was in Spanish.  My first thought was, “I wish I had paid a little more attention in my Spanish class!”  All I can remember are simple things like hello, goodbye, and crazy.  Ok, so I have the foreign language skills of a preschooler.  As he is frantically gesturing towards my computer at the front of the classroom, I try to look like I am in control as I approach the computer.  Ah…..there it was…..whiteout spilled on top of my computer.  I tried to explain that it was just a joke…..not real, fake! It looked like I was playing a one-sided game of charades. I even showed him that I also had a bottle of fake red fingernail polish spilled on my desk.   He did not seem at all amused……actually he probably thinks I am a little loco.   As he left, I said, “Gracious!”  Only, I instantly knew that I had not pronounced it correctly…..I said it a little too drawn out…..like a Southerner. 

Praying for Strangers

            Have you ever encountered a look-alike?  I saw my mom at church today.  Oh, I know it wasn't really her as she has been dead for many years now; however, from the side profile, this lady looked so much like my mother, Mary.  She had the same gray hair sprinkled with white strands as my mom.  Even the cut and style, full of body and waves, reminded me of mom’s hair.  Her blouse resembled something my mom would wear with orange, brown, and yellow flowers. 

          I found myself staring at this lady throughout the service.  I kept hoping she would turn so I could see more of her face – knowing she would probably no longer remind me of my mom.  In the end, as she turned to leave, I saw that she did not resemble my mom from the front.  As I think about this lady, I feel lead to pray for her, a stranger, this week; praying for good things in her life.   As I reflect on this experience, it made me think more about praying for strangers; something I should do more often.

            In her book, Praying for Strangers, River Jordan states, “Praying for Strangers is specifically about connecting with one person at a time. To do so, one must first become aware, really aware of the human condition in a personal way. As you move through the days ahead, don't let the need to pray for someone rule your mind. Don't think it. Just open your eyes. Truly, open your eyes. In the course of any given day you will cross paths with many people through your life or by way of social and mass media sources.”

Data Day at School

DATA DAY - Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (and eat some ice cream)! OK...so I added the last part!

Lockdown Procedures

Lock Down - Sparkling little eyes peeking at me from under tables, counters, and desks. This was the scene this week as we once again practiced our lockdown procedures at school. Lockdowns have become a routine part of the school culture; however, I continue to feel emotional as I look at these little faces trying to follow all the lockdown procedures. It breaks my heart that this is America! I’m not sad that our schools run these drills, I’m grateful for it. I’m sad that I’m grateful for it.

Courage

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”  Mark Twain

Pinterest Addiction

I swear this is my last my last pin then it’s straight to bed.

No wait.........

Oh my goodness, is that a kitten in a tutu?

A good teacher is.....

It's not about what's in the book. It's that you teach with kindness.  A good teacher is kind.  Kind – The ability of a teacher to say and do things……that uplift, motivates, and inspires.  Kindness should be innate in all teachers. A mean spirit will turn students off, but a kind spirit is invaluable.

Teacher's Google Search

     What you might find in a teacher’s Google search!  I would like to add, “quietly exiting the classroom when someone pukes”.  In my experience, when someone pukes, students act like a shiny spaceship with florescent aliens just landed in the middle of the classroom!  

Back to School Supply List

     I am sure parents marvel over some weird things on their kids “back to school supply list”. A student brought me this little gift this week. I am not even going to try and be witty here; however, I promise you this was NOT on my supply list. I am wondering if there will be a mom panicking somewhere in when she realizes her son gave this to his teacher.

Back to School Woes - Fashion Felony

Fashion Felony. I taught my entire first period class with my pants unzipped. After class a coworker, Tanisha Collins, kindly pointed it out to me. I am in the process of teaching my students hand signals for a variety of things like restroom, pencil sharpening, etc. Hmmmm….maybe I need to work on a signal like…..“Your pants are unzipped”.

Team Building Activity

          Good news….the new slide was installed in back of the sixth grade wing this week. It really looks sharp, and I am sure the kids will think this is great!  Footnote: This will be a GRATE team building activity for the students.

Ninja School for Cats

Hmmmmm.....I wonder if I could get away with putting this on my desk at work?

Grading Teachers

Grading Teachers - This sums it up!

Fish Tacos

I don't generally post pictures of my food but could not resist this.  

Let me know if you want the recipe.

Guilty Dog Apologizes to his Baby

Spending your Allowance

    Sweet Memories.  Remember when you would take your children shopping, and they were so excited about spending that money burning a hole in their pocket.  However, remember how they never had quite enough money to get the toy they picked out and this would turn into a begging/pleading/promising episode.  I loved getting to watch my daughter go through the same thing at Target today with her son……sweet memories sometimes come back to bite you!  

Spreading Germs

        So me when the person I am sitting next to obviously has a full blown cold! I just hope and pray that my immune system ninjas are working overtime picking off cold cells with germ-killing sniper fire. I also hope the “sick person” doesn't see me discreetly sneak out that little bottle of hand sanitizer.

Chew Tobacco Chew Tobacco

Logan's first 4th of July! Yea the boys 'round here.....Chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit.

Brokenhearted

     When everything crumbles, God’s presence is rich, soothing salve on gaping wounds.  A broken heart is an emotional aching in your chest that happens when you are deeply grieved or disappointed due to a life circumstance.  It is encouraging to read what King David wrote in Psalm 34:18 -  The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.  He can bring triumph out of tragedy.  God’s goodness, faithfulness, and unfailing love is still there.  He can put all the broken pieces back together again. If your heart been torn apart by life circumstances or if you feel crushed under the weight of your woes, God’s presence is rich, soothing salve on gaping wounds.

I Will Instruct You

     In Spite. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. (Psalm 32:8 New International Version) - This has always been one of my favorite verses. I am so glad God loves me in spite of my weakness, disobedience, sin, etc.

Can't Dance

     Can't dance? Spell your name, in the air, with your butt. Boom! Next problem.  I actually attempted this last week while watching my grandsons…yep, spelled my name in cursive I might add.  And it was videotaped while little boys roared with laughter.  Footnote: The video will never be shared! 

Birthday Cake

Someone lost his cake.....

I do hope that one of my friends would tell me if I am ever in this situation!

Spiders

      My last day of school spider experience – in the powder room.  This spider, the size of an octopus, comes sauntering across the bathroom floor towards me (yes, I was sitting down).  I was sure its goal was to kill me.  I knew I should have felt sorry for it because it was missing a bunch of legs; however, it looked like a little ninja with a machete as it advanced towards me.  Don’t be a hater, but I did try to kill it (with more force than necessary).  Unfortunately I missed and it disappeared!  This spider is definitely a survivor.  Hopefully it won’t have babies before I return to school in August. 

Last Day of School

This was me today....I did try to look graceful though!

Awkward - Making Eye Contact through the Little Crack in the Bathroom Door

     Awkward Moment - when you make eye contact with a stranger through that little crack in the bathroom stall.  I have actually experienced this (many times) both on the inside and the outside of the bathroom stall.  The unspoken rule on this is…..you quickly look away as you don’t ever want to appear you have the “creep stare”.  Eye contact is important, especially in dating and gauging people’s attraction to you, BUT not when you are hovering over a toilet or sitting on a delicately line toilet seat with your pants around your knees (or lower).   Upon exiting the stall, you need to hold you head high and pretend you did not just make through-the-crack eye contact with a complete stranger.  Unfortunately, every now and then one of offenders will want to make awkward small talk as you exit or worst yet, introduce themselves to you.  I wonder how “Miss Manners would suggest we handle this?  Why can't someone make a public bathroom without that gleaming crack in the stainless steel door?   

Cooper Loves Ice Cream

     This is just too funny!  Why does Daisy (the little dog) get to eat first while Cooper has to sit and wait patiently? Well, it may seem unfair until you see the whole video.  Trust me, it’s not what you expect.  If I was a dog, I would definitely be Cooper. 

Flag Football

      Here is a picture of my football warrior, Ryder.  Actually, warrior might not be the right word to use considering he was upset as we left home because he wanted to bring his “blankey”.  He actually made a touchdown….AFTER veering off towards the right, dealing with his own teammate pulling his flag, and running in a full circle before crossing the goal line.  Hopefully, if he shows an interest in football when he is older, he will no longer try to bring his blanket.

Bicycling

     Weird Sightings:  I had one today…..a man riding his bicycle in the rain, in his BATHROBE!  Of course, cycling outfits do not have to be the equivalent of red carpet outfits; however, I think this might be considered a fashion felony by Bicycling Magazine.  Hopefully he had skivvies on; if not, I suspect some folks might have been inappropriately flashed today.  He looked happy though, so who am I to sound like a hater. Footnote:  I had to improvise a little on the picture.  I wanted to stop and take a picture of him, but I was afraid he might kill me and throw me in the trunk (with his bicycle).

FCAT Fun

Kayaking

         On a girls’ trip to Wisconsin, we decided to go on a kayak trip down a lazy river.  We were floating along singing, “The beautiful the beautiful river”……and before I could belt out, “Gather with the saints at that river”….I noticed Shirley’s shoe floating by.  Turning around, I realize that she had flipped her kayak.  She had this awful panic stricken expression on her face, and I unsuccessfully did my best to get back to her.   I did manage to take a couple pictures of her as a stranger helped get her and the kayak to the shore!  At this point, she actually looked like she could have had a starring role in a B rated zombie movie.  Some kayakers count capsizing as among the most memorable and ultimately fun experiences on a particular trip; I now understand why!  Obviously, what happened on the river, did not stay on the river!  

Spring Break

        I am so glad Spring Break is over….said no teacher ever.  It looks like I will be setting my alarm tonight!  I might set my wake up alarm to the Jaws theme song!

 

Password Time to Change it AGAIN

          I absolutely cannot keep up with my passwords! AND about the time I think I finally have a few memorized, of course, it is time to change them again.  This is when I keep getting, “You have already used all your grandkids names, idiot!”  or “Really, you are actually going to use your birthday!”  UGH…..”Once again your password will not work, Brenda.  You must include:  a symbol, a number, a hieroglyph, a gang sign, an inspiring quote, a poem that you just wrote, a picture of your favorite animal using only characters on your keyboard, oh, and go ahead and throw in an uppercase letter while you are at it.”  This is just way too much to have floating around in my brain.  Hopefully I am keeping hackers from getting all up in my business.  Hashtag this:  How does 1234 sound to you? 

Spring Pedicure

        Spring is in the air and it is time for a little foot pampering. This is that time of year when women quit wearing closed shoes and/or boots. This might come as a shock to men, but at this point, most women have….well shall we say 7-11 feet. You know it is time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with another. I just recently had my first “time to shed my shoes pedicure”…..it was wonderful! However, the exfoliating scrub on my legs did not last as long as I wanted it too….probably because I did not pay for the Spa Special Fruity Tuti Not so Cheap Pedicure. Footnote: I don’t care how cold it is outside tomorrow, I am wearing my flip-flops to show off my pedicure. No, that is not really my foot in the top picture.

Yoga

          My grandson, Cross, was born with his legs up around his head, and he was perfectly content to keep them there. He looked like he had been practicing yoga in the womb and was really good at it.  He was so flexible that with ease he could do the Reclined Spinal Twist pose.  Swaddling him in his baby blanket was like trying to swaddle a baby orangutan. I came across this adorable puppy picture recently and guess who he reminded me of?  Yep, Cross!  Footnote:  Cross’ legs are no longer up around his head….they are now straight down and running full speed ahead experiencing all life has to offer.

High Heels Ouch

   Sliding my foot into my daughter’s red and gold high heels, I envisioned myself walking down the hall with a sharp click, click, click. Actually, I only tried on one heel because once I attempted to stand in it, my inner voice said, “Are you crazy?” So, I have now decided, high heels, ain’t nobody got time for that!

Germs at School

      Teachers are definitely on the receiving end of potential germs. We hear hacky coughs around the room, as wads of used Kleenex are piling up on desks. While peering into droopy eyes, I remind myself that germs are lurking on desks, pencils, and writing assignments. My inner voice is saying, “Don’t touch your face, don’t touch your face; while my eye is screaming, “I itch!” Pass the hand sanitizer please. This doctor has some great advice; however, I am not sure how a teacher can honor rule #1 and keep their job! Hmmmmmm......

Valentine's Day Humor

Valentine's Day Humor for the Single Lady

Entertaining Students

Entertaining my students (I mean teaching my students) with Barkley.  It is amazing how many cell phones come out when you give them permission to film this!

Naming your Baby

Hate might be a strong word; however, this is so me!  

I am sure all teachers can relate to this. 

Skinny Cow

If you are “what you eat”, I am definitely a Skinny Cow! 

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy Skinny Cows!

Forgetful

     I have forgotten many things…..a friend’s birthday, to pay a bill, and I even forgot my kid at church once;  BUT, I have never forgotten to eat!