Swimming Pool and Diarreah

Splash all you want! Throw others in! Bring your pet shark! and.......see below:

Keep the Fork

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and was given 3 months to live. As she began getting her things "in order" she called her pastor and asked him to come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she wanted read, and what dress she wanted to be buried in. She also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible in her left hand.

Everything was in order and as the pastor was preparing to leave, the woman suddenly remembered one final request that was very important to her. "Please Pastor, just one more thing, she said excitedly. "Sure, what is it?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important to me, the woman continued....I want to be buried holding a fork in my right hand. The Pastor gazed at the woman, at a loss for words.

"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked.

The Pastor replied "well to be quite honest, I'm puzzled by the request." The woman explained. "You see, Pastor, in all my years of attending Church socials and potluck dinners, I remember that when the dishes were being cleared after the main course, someone would inevitably lean over to me and say "Keep Your Fork". It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming, like velvety chocolate cake or deep dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance to end the great meal.

The Pastor listened intently and a smile came upon his face.

The woman continued, "so, I just want people to see me there in the casket with a folk in my hand and I want them to wonder.....What's with the folk? ......than I want you to tell them: "KEEP YOUR FORK"....the best is yet to come.

The Pastor eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. He knew that this would be one of the last times that he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of HEAVEN than he did. She KNEW and trusted that the best was yet to come.

At the funeral, everyone that walked by the woman's casket saw her wearing a beautiful dress with her favorite Bible held in her left hand and a fork held in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard people ask the question, "Why is she holding a fork?" and his smile began to get larger and brighter each time.

During his message, the Pastor told the people about the conversation that he had with the woman shortly before she died. He explained the fork and what it symbolized to her.

The Pastor told everyone how he could not stop thinking about the fork and how he hoped that they would not be able to stop thinking about it either. That fork, and the meaning of it to the woman, had quite the impact on everyone and they are still sharing the story with people they meet.

And now it has been shared with you....so the next time you reach for your fork, let it remind you, oh so gently, that the best is yet to come....

Throwing up and Snoring

          Last weekend I stayed with my grandsons so that their parents could go on a little romantic getaway. It was about midnight when I was awakened by my grandson’s sweet voice saying, “Nana, I just threw up!”  I jumped up and ran with him to the bathroom like a knight in shining armor. I just knew his little head was going to spin around and propel vomit in every direction before we made it to the bathroom.
            This was such a flashback for me because my daughter, his mom, frequently threw up as a child and sometimes made it to the bathroom, but mostly NOT.  As he is still clutching the toilet, he looks up with his little pale face and says, “Nana, you were snoring so loud when I woke you up!”  Now I could have done without that comment.      
         I finally get him settled down again on the couch and head to his room to survey the damage and determine if I have to rescue any stuffed animals.  It looks like a body has been chopped up all over the carpet.  I thought, “I could hire my own personal cleaning service.”  I quickly ruled that idea out.  I’m actually very excited that it did not end up on the walls.  I have cleaned up countless puke puddles (children, cats, dogs).  I got this!  I debated putting on the yellow raincoat I saw hanging in the closet earlier with goggles along with the yellow kitchen gloves; however, I was afraid if his little brother woke up and saw me, he would think that an evil superhero had come alive and was going to harm him.  Did I mention he has slept through this entire event?     
          Not knowing where they keep their “cleaning up throw-up rags”, I grab some washrags from the master bathroom.  They looked way too pretty for this job, and I soon discovered that these washrags absorb nothing. I have never seen anything like it……you can run them under water for fifteen minutes, and they are still not wet.  Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration.     Cleaning up puke, ahhhhh, just one of those little enjoyable and delightful tasks of parenting and grand-parenting!  I finally climb back into bed thinking, "Hmmmmmm....I wonder if I really do snore loud?" 

Counting Milestones

       My grandson, Cross, just graduated from preschool.....heading to kindergarten next year. How did the years fly by so fast?  It seems like just yesterday that his mom, my little preschooler, was entering kindergarten. I can still see her bright shining blue eyes, bouncy blonde curls, and adorable little ruffled pink dress. Then in a heartbeat she was graduating from college, getting married, and having her own little ones.     

       I cherish the years that brought us where we are today, but wish I had not counted the days to so many milestones like no more diapers, no more carrying 50 pounds of baby equipment to the car, no more car seats, or no more toys scattered all over the den.

       I had three kids knee-high to a grasshopper and there were many nights when I had no idea how I was going to make it until their bedtime.  It was a sad day when the oldest, Jenny, learned to tell time and knew it was not really bedtime yet.  The constant demands, the needs, and the fighting could sound like extra-long fingernails slowly sliding across a chalkboard….SCREECH.  Hmmmm, the onomatopoeia, screech, just does not capture the sound's power to cause excruciating mental distress.   I have to confess, there were many nights after the last amen was said, I sauntered to the kitchen thinking, "Never fear....the chocolate bar is here."

      Many moms would say to me, “Hold on to all these moments with your children as they are gone before you know it.”  I would sweetly smile, but secretly I wanted to hold them underwater (not my children, the advice giver).        Now here I am on the other side of parenthood, and I would like to say to young parents, “Hold on to all these moments with your children as they are gone before you know it.”  OK, I will now go hold my own head underwater for three minutes.

Footnote:   It is exhausting to be PERFECT and you really don’t have to be perfect. You really are doing an excellent job, and you are not a terrible parent if you just can’t wait for them to go to bed.

Perfect Teacher Gift

     Throughout my years of teaching I have received an impressive collection of apple ornaments, Starbucks gift cards, and at least ten “World’s Greatest Teacher” mugs. However, my most unique Christmas gift ever was given to me a couple years ago. She walked up to my desk with her blue eyes shining and handed me what she described as a "Christmas ornament".
     It was two fingers (I assume from a nail shop) with crimson red polish strategically painted on them to represent blood. They were placed inside a little glass jar for display. I wanted to gasp, however, I acted like I had just been given a Christmas toy solider ornament from the Spode Christmas Tree collection!
     Those two fingers have now been incorporated into my creative writing lesson plans in an assignment called, "The Box". I put the fingers, along with four other items, in a box. Students have to write a story using all five items. They love the fingers, and I get some extremely interesting stories. Even my unenthusiastic writers get excited about this activity.

    

"The Box" is a creative writing activity that accomplishes three major tasks.1. It requires the students to write a lot in a short amount of time.2. It forces kids out of their writing comfort zone.3. It impacts the way they think about writing within guidelines.

     The crazy thing about this writing activity is that they love it. The students are engaged from beginning to end.  Most of them want to share their stories  with the entire class.

Pep Talk

     I gave a pep talk to one of my students today. Dictionary.com provides the following definition:  pep talk (noun) a vigorous, emotional talk, as to a person or group, intended to arouse enthusiasm, increase determination to succeed, etc.  

     My goal was to get this kid out of his rut….inspire him, motivate him.  I am staring into these steel gray eyes thinking I am reaching him.  I pause at the end of my pep talk to hear his response when he blurts out, “You smell like coffee!”
      Take a moment to watch this wonderful pep talk by Kid President.  He gives a great pep talk and I bet he does not smell like coffee.   

Why do boys enjoy passing gas?

      Why do males like passing gas so much?  My grandson, Cross, ate three bites of cabbage last night (hates it) just so he could possibly "toot" at school today. I have learned that anything involving poop, burps, and farts is uproarious to a boy (and still some grown men); they come hard wired this way.