Ventriloquist in the Classroom

Look who entertained my students today!  I must say, he was not on his best behavior! Sometimes he says things that really surprise me!  

Uploaded Walking Taco

A Walking Taco!  Hmmmm….one of my students pulled this out of his backpack today; he was very excited about eating it.  It is called an Uploaded Nacho Walking Taco.  I was a little grossed out just looking at it.  I bet by the time he walked to lunch, it was gone.  Bring on the Prilosec!  Footnote:  Trust me, this student does not need to eat anything that might upset his stomach.  

     Easter Memories….chocolate bunnies, pretty eggs, candies, new dresses, and Easter bonnets. The real Easter is not the rabbit and chocolate egg.  There is another figure who represents Easter: the Holy Lamb, who died for us. Remember the tomb of Jesus was found empty.  He had been resurrected….he was not there.  This is one of the most powerful evidences of the resurrection that there is.

Alligator Chase

My family and I recently went on a airboat tour of the Everglades. It was fun skimming across the grasslands, going through the twisting Mangrove tunnels, learning about plants, animals, and folklore. However, the highlight was when one of the alligators got a little too close for comfort. You can hear my girls panicking in the background. Personally, I was envisioning a cute pair of shoes or a purse

Chicken Rides Scooter

What do you do when you get a chicken for Christmas?  You name it Rambo, and teach it to ride your scooter!  Gotta love my grandson, Cross!

Ice Skating Fail

Have an ice day! My family and I recently went to Gatlinburg, TN where we went ice skating. By “we went ice skating”, I mean I cheered from the sideline. They no more stepped out onto the ice when an announcement was made to clear the ice. In this video, you can see the show my family put on long after everyone else had gracefully skated out of the rink. Notice at the end of the video, the workers do not look pleased at how long it took us to clear the ice. I can’t say that anyone in my family took to the ice in an exhibition that showed off their masterful skating skills; however, they were very entertaining.

Goldfish

          A little blob of orange. I have a grandfish named Bulls Eye (he has one red eye). I want to give my grandfish, Bulls Eye, a shout out! When I press my face against the glass, oohing and ahhing as I watch Bulls Eye, he swims to the front of his bowl as if to say, “Oh, hey Nana!” For two years this little poop machine has swam circles around his bowl. My daughter told me she is already concerned about the day that Bulls Eye dies; she actually caught her husband talking baby talk to him/her this week. This little blob of orange was won at a school event; however, his accessories cost far more, yet the smiles on the faces of family members definitely make up for it. It is sad to think that one day little Bulls Eye will end up in a commode. In the meantime, I guess we need to work on goldfish funeral etiquette.

Stinky Feet in the Classroom

      Stinky Feet. As I finished my attendance, I glanced up only to discover that one of my students had taken off his shoes and thrown his socks right on the floor. His left foot was perched right up by his nose as he smelled away! I could actually smell this stale Dorito odor wafting up towards the front of the class as his peers began to snicker. To be honest, I was a little jealous that he could get his foot so high with such ease!

Say Cheese

Sweet Memories! My four year old grandson wanted to take a picture of his older brother and me! So, I now have about 12 pictures just like the one you see here!

Ventriloquist

My Shoplifting Experience!

     My shoplifting experience!  I know you are probably shocked, but yes, I actually shoplifted a bathing suit bottom from TJ Maxx on a recent visit to Ft. Myers.  In my defense, I was in a big hurry as it was almost time to pick up my grandsons from school.   Hopefully you are not judging me, but imagine my surprise when I got home and realized I had left the store with a bathing suit bottom (ON).   In an effort to “do the right thing”, I decided I would take the bathing suit back to my local TJ Maxx.  In a quiet voice, I explained to the clerk that I had accidentally ended up with a bathing suit bottom that I did not purchase.  Now I might have left a little part of the story out because I did not want the her to know that I actually wore it out of the store under my clothes. Eyeing me suspiciously, she calls over a store manager who looked young enough to be my son.  I swallowed hard thinking, “Oh Lord, I might end up in jail yet!”  Once again I repeat my story. The store manager told me that they could not accept it, and I would need to return it to the store it came from.  I explained, in my sweetest voice, that I might not be back in Fort Myers for a long time.   Unbending, he responded, “Ma’am, you will need to return this to the TJ Maxx in Ft. Myers!”  I responded, “Oh great, my face is probably posted on billboards all over Ft. Myers at this point!”   Who knows, I might getting one of those bracelets yet!  Signed, Sticky Fingers

Selfies - Taken by the Older Generation

     Say Cheese! This is what happens when my generation takes selfies! In the first picture, Dee takes the “I’m at an event selfie” of Mary, herself, and me. Well actually, Mary’s face is blocked by Dee’s hand.                                                                                      And in the second picture, you have the “I’m on a cruise selfie” of Dee, Bob and me. I promise Dee is on the far left! Hmmmmm….should we buy a selfie stick?

Romantic Evening

     My romantic evening with Bill.  I am sure Cupid is rolling his eyes, but I named my Roomba Bill!  My grandkids think it is a motorized pet.  My granddog is petrified of it…..he thinks it is some kind of living creature or the Terminator.  Bill has magically enhanced my life as he moves about my house without emotion, cleaning my floors.  Granted, Bill is not excited to see me when I get home, but he will vacuum for me until he dies…..what dedication.   I love my Roomba!

Online Dating Woes

        Several years ago, at the encouragement of friends, I decided to dabble in on-line dating. I wanted to make sure that I had a RECENT picture to ensure that my date would not feel like the walk from the door to the table was a scene out of the movie "Dead Man Walking". 

        A good friend offered to take photos of me for my online dating profile. She encouraged me to perch on the railing of her deck overlooking a gorgeous lake. With the sun setting in the background, I prissily perched on the railing. I was concentrating on tilting my head slightly and smiling while waiting for the click. All of a sudden it felt like my body was on fire! Who knew I was perched above a wasp nest! The little critters had flown up my shirt and pant legs. Suddenly I was yelling and running for the house while simultaneously stripping. Not exactly the photo opp I wanted for my online dating profile!

The Trixter got Tricked!

           Walking past the desk, I suddenly did a double take; a student was sitting at his desk wearing a camouflage jacket with the hood up.  Since camouflage is the art of disguising yourself to blend in with your surroundings, it was NOT working.   As I approached the student, I realized that there was nobody inside this uncamouflaged outfit.  Somebody had created a “fake student” for my benefit by pulling the handle up on their backpack and dressing it in their camo  jacket (they even stuffed the face area with some paper).  If you ever need a second passenger for the “dummy in the passenger seat scam”, this character would be great (not that I am promoting it). Hmmmmm….I wish I could clone this kid as he did not let out a peep all period!

Stilettos

     Scoot out of the way because Nana is trying out the grandkids motorized Christmas scooter. Supposedly, one of the key features of this scooter is a handy twist grip throttle which makes the motor start immediately. It was like driving a very fast car wearing a pair of stilettos….hence my scream! Needless to say, I won’t be scootering around town!

One Word

No New Year’s resolutions for me.  According to statistics, nine out of ten people will fail with their new year’s resolutions; half of those will fail by the end of January. This is my second year to pick “One Word” to lay over my life for my New Year’s Resolution.  My one word to focus on this year is “purposeful”.  The definition of purposeful is: having a purpose, full of determination.

I have focused on choosing a word that reflects on:  my passion for life; my values, provides guidance; gives me strength; challenges me, brings frustration; brings joy.  As we all know, life passes by at an alarming rate.  My one word goal for 365 days will be to strive to be more purposeful about noticing possibilities.  As I walk through 2015, I want to consider five key areas of my life…..my spiritual life, relationships, health, work, and finances.  I need to remember to ask myself, “In what ways can I be more purposeful this year?” 

“Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people)”.  Ephesians 5: 15 Amplified Bible

Have you thought about dropping the list of resolutions and choosing one word to impact your life this year?  Ask God to give you one word to lay over your life; embrace your one word, reflect on it, and share it.  What is your one word? 

Pooping at the Park

      Taking my little grandsons to the park sounded like a wonderful idea.  The boys were swinging and squealing, and jumping and running, when out of the blue, Ryder, the three year old, lets out a blood curdling scream!  Looking up, I realize he is holding his hiney as he runs towards me!  He frantically yells, “I have to poop!”    Now there is no bathroom, so in a panic, I quickly grab a couple of peanut butter and jelly stained napkins from our picnic lunch and prop him up by an isolated tree with his britches around his ankles.  At this point, his older brother, Cross, squats down beside him and announces, “Nana, I am going to watch it come out!”  I am not sure, but I am thinking there is a city ordinance stating that it is not proper to publicly poop at the park.  I can just imagine the 6:00 news discussing a pooping perpetrator at the park.  I am frantically looking from side to side hoping that nobody else walks up on this scene.   I am sure I sounded like a cheerleader as I encouraged him by repeatedly chanting, “Hurry, poop, poop, poop!”   Between my cheers and his brothers ogling, suddenly everything came to a halt with NO results.  Batting his cute little blue eyes and not caring that he is practically naked at the park and trying to crap under a tree, the boy exclaims, “It went away!”  Footnote:  The next time I take my grandkids to the park, I will be bringing the dog’s pooper scooper and a plastic bag.  Who knew!

Invisible Wounds

                          

               After getting my grandson, Ryder, ready for preschool, he quickly disappeared. Suddenly he returned with a band-aid that he obviously wanted to wear to school.  I exclaimed, “Awwww, do you have a boo-boo?” Knowing he didn’t, I attempted to put it on his arm.  Smiling sweetly, he pointed to his flawless little forehead.  I gingerly applied the band aid to his fake injury and kissed the delicate pretend wound. 

          Proudly, Ryder sauntered into his preschool classroom that morning, where the teacher immediately made a fuss over his invisible wound.  You would have thought he had gone bungee jumping, catapulted 400 feet in the air, and landed on his forehead.  Smiling in the background, I now understood why he wanted to wear the band-aid.  

          As I reflect on that morning, I am reminded that there are people all around us who have invisible wounds  –  death of a loved one, picking up the pieces of a broken family, loss of health, feelings of rejection, loss of a job, financial troubles, heartbreak from a broken relationship, or disappointments. 

          Invisible wounds seem to hurt even more during the Christmas season. We are surrounded by people who just want the season over.  Thank goodness we have a loving compassionate God who has a ready supply of band-aids to put on our invisible wounds.  His word tells us, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3). 

           God’s word tells us not to look out only for our own interests, but to take an interest in others, too (Philippians 2:4).  As I think about my “area of influence” I am asking God to help me to be sensitive to those around me with invisible wounds, those who are struggling through this Christmas season.  I want to live out my faith in front of others and make the most of every opportunity (Colossians 4:5).

                                                                                                         

Prayer:  Dear God, thank you that you specialize in using ordinary people.  Lead me to people with invisible wounds, and show me a way to bless them.  Help me to live out my faith in front of others and be a positive influence.  Guide me supernaturally and use me to touch the brokenhearted!  Help me not to lose opportunities that I will never get back.  Read:   Psalm 147:3; Philippians 2:4; Colossians 4:5;   

      

                                                                               

                                                                                                   

Blood in the Classroom

      Every now and then as a teacher you have to deal with blood in the classroom and today was one of those days for me! It all began when one of my students got a nose bleed….I mean a gushing bloody nose. I started thinking that one of the bears from Disney’s Country Bear Jamboree was going to pop out of the wall and start singing, “There was blood on the table and blood all around! And a great big puddle of blood on the ground."

      After the student was handled, I knew I had to take care of the blood on the ground. My problem is that we have little colored cards we send to the office to summon help; I get confused on what color of card to send to the office to summon the correct help (i.e.the custodian so he can follow the proper sterilization measures for blood). Unfortunately, I sent the purple card, which I soon discovered means “send a guidance counselor” (sorry about that).

       Finally,the blood was all was cleaned up, and my next class arrived. Just as I felt like my breathing was returning to normal, a voice bellowed out, Ms. Wise, “Why is there blood all over the bathroom floor?” No, I did not send the purple card!