Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Pinterest Fail

Gingerbread Man Cookie Fail - My daughter’s gingerbread man cookies! The icing might have ended up being the only redeeming quality for these little guys! ….and when she opened the oven door, before she could take them out, the gingerbread men jumped up and ran through the kitchen and out of the house shouting, “Don’t eat me!” Run, run as fast as you can! You can’t catch us…we are the gingerbread men.

Monday, December 30, 2013

The End of Pinterest

Finally, the End of Pinterest!

        For some,  joining Pinterest means having to say goodbye to friends and family.  Good news for all you who are hooked on Pinterest!  I finally got to the end of it today.  So now I guess I have to get off Pinterest and start doing some of the things that I have pinned, like rock sweaters.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Gingerbread House

Brown and tasty
Sweet and spicy
Nibble, nibble
Gnaw, gnaw
Oh wait….is that Gretel in the background?

Monday, December 23, 2013

Dreaming of a White Christmas

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I use to know
Where the white sands glisten
And the waves seem to listen
I’m dreaming of dewdrops
While wearing my favorite pair of flipflops. 
(Growing up in Naples, FL)

Sunday, December 15, 2013

I Never Win Anything

     What, I won?  I never win anything…..OK, that might not be totally true, but I have never won a radio show call in give-away, a door prize, or Publishers Clearing House (now that would be sweet). I have won coupons to Smoothie King, six dollars playing the lottery, and a Tupperware tiny scraper – great for cleaning your dishes and pans (baaaahaaaaaa).  I have actually seen pop-ups saying I won something, but I never click on them for fear that a naked person might pop up.  So, why do I feel like Donald Trump today? 
     I attended a Christmas party last night, and the hostess had a shiny jar of money displayed, glinting from the Christmas tree lights. The person who came the closest to guessing the total would win it.  I guessed $101 and it was $104…..yep, I won it.  Oh, I’m not finished….we also played a Christmas Monopoly game….won again!  All in all, I won $211.00.  This is why I feel like Donald Trump today!  A big thank you to the wonderful hostesses, Debbie and Sandy!

Ugly Sweater Party

        Have you ever been the only person in an ugly sweater at an “Ugly Sweater” Christmas party?  I went to Goodwill and searched high and low for the perfect ugly sweater; I knew I would know it when I saw it….you know the kind with poof balls dangling down a thick red cable knit competing with nauseating hues or felt snowmen and reindeer flowing across the front.  However, I just could not find a suitable ugly sweater for the party, so, I made my own.  I simply printed pictures of the people that would be at the party along with an “Ugly Sweater” tag and pinned them to a sweater.  Footnote:  After arriving at the party, I discovered that women actually wear pretty sweaters to these parties and just call them “Ugly Sweaters”!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Monday, December 2, 2013

Crooked Halos

          Here is a sweet picture of two of my adorable grandsons. OK….so the halo of the one on the left might be a little tilted as he prepares to shoot his older brother with a bow and arrow. I can definitely relate to that twinkle in his eyes, and the halo worn a little to the side. Thank goodness God always gives us another chance to straighten those crooked halos.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Birds and the Bees

        Puberty, pimples, periods, armpit hair, etc.   Walking into the classroom Friday, a student flung her arms around me and started crying; or at least I thought she was crying.  Concerned, I asked, “What on earth is wrong?”  At this point she looked up, smiling, and bellowed, “We are learning about the birds and the bees in science, and it is soooooo scary!”  I strived to look just as disgusted as she did!  A teacher wears many hats!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

What Not to Wear

     Well, I finally get to mark something off my bucket list; not because it actually came about, but because it is no longer a possibility!  “What Not to Wear”…….yep, I always wanted to be on this television show. Unfortunately, it has been cancelled.  

     I actually tried to convince a friend of mine to recommend me for the show.   I envisioned myself putting on my worst outfit or pajamas and heading to Wal-Mart for my photo op.  I even pondered dressing like Honey Boo Boo’s mom or a slightly hookerish look.  Walking into Wal-Mart, my girlfriend, Beverly, would have been filming me (wink wink) in my horrible outfit.  I would have even been willing to don a pair of “mom jeans” with a fanny pack if I thought it would have helped me make the show.

     When I asked Beverly if she would recommend me for the show and tell the produces that she was fed up with my style, or lack thereof, her response was, “Noooooooooooooo, because I want to go on that show too!”    Now if you open up your dictionary and look up “stylish” or “rocking that outfit”, I bet you will find a picture of Beverly.    I guess Stacy and Clinton will not be popping out of a crowd any time soon to offer me my trip to NY with the $5,000 gift card! 

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Mama’s don’t let your babies grow up to be teachers!

I now have 132 editorials to grade and 132 expository essays to grade. 
I feel a new song coming on…..

♫”Mama’s don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys teachers! 
Don't let 'em grade papers for just a few bucks,
Let 'em be doctors & lawyers & such,..."

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Happy Birthday

     Happy Birthday to my wonderful son, Buck. On the left, he is all smiles as he prepares to open his gifts. On the right, his big sister, Jenny, has now claimed his new toy. The doll is a Mattel Musical Love Notes - Bucky the Cowboy… a vintage toy. He plays harmonica sounds when you press his legs, arms and belly. Looking a little worn and tattered, Bucky, now sits proudly on display in my guest room. Unfortunately, Bucky is only worth about $16.00 now……not nearly enough to think about early retirement. 

     I cherish the years that brought us where we are today, but wish I had not counted the days to so many milestones like no more diapers, no more carrying 50 pounds of baby equipment to the car, no more car seats, or no more toys scattered all over the den. Now I think, “If I could just reach into this picture and hold these babies one more time!” 

Monday, October 28, 2013

Braces and Retainers

            My daughter’s orthodontic journey began in elementary school when our dentist fit her tiny mouth with a Frankel contraception (a wire device).  When she came walking out of his office, trying to smile at me, I knew we were in trouble.  Sounding much like a middle school cheerleader, I exclaimed,  “Awwwwww… exciting!”  I am actually wondering how he managed to get a football helmet inside her little mouth. 
            On the ride home, I noticed that when she attempted to talk, she sounded like she suddenly had a speech impediment or was maybe even speaking a foreign language (I was hoping it was the latter). Glancing over at her, I now realize she not only has a speech problem, she is also a drooler!  Yep, my adorable daughter was now slobbering! 
            The worst part of this memorable experience was that this contraception had to come out when she ate….not an easy task.   I’ll never forget the day that we had to drive over an hour out of our way to go…..back to a McDonald’s on the interstate where we had eaten lunch.   Fortunately, her dad was willing to dig through garbage bags and was able to find the slimy thing.  I am not sure I would have won any mother of the year awards that day. 
            Eventually  the dentist realized that her cheeks looked like a greedy squirrel that had stored enough nuts away to last for the next ten years.  She was refitted with something a little more stylish appropriate for her mouth.

Footnote:  The following Sunday we had photographers at church because it was “Old Fashion Sunday”…..and wouldn’t you know, it was her picture that was chosen to go in the local newspaper. 

Footnote:  The short haircut is another story….a bad perm had to be cut off  (which I am now blamed for even though she begged for it).  

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Delivery Day

My son, Buck, and his wife, Ali,......

getting closer to delivery day!

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Who needs braces...the kid or the dog?

     Old Sesame Street song.....One of these things is not like the other...can you tell which one is not like the other? Have you ever noticed that the dog has straighter teeth than the kid? (Vader and Jenny)

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Does your child eat boogers?

      While watching my two year old grandson, Ryder, the other day, I noticed he was eating something.  Casually, I said, “Ryder, what are you eating?”  I am thinking he managed to get to the candy corn used in a center piece on the kitchen table.  With all the confidence in the world, he responds, “A booger!”   There was no hesitation and no shame in his response. At least he is building his immune system…..I just hope he still gets included in “play dates”. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Choosing the Perfect Shampoo

UGH!  Having curly (OK, sometimes frizzy hair), I am always trying to find that perfect shampoo!  I just want to look natural… know, like a movie star!  I want my hair to smell like a tropical rain forest and feel healthy!  With that said, I wish I could shop for shampoo like a man!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Hump Day

I love Geico's new commercial with "Caleb", the "Hump Day" camel. He has such swagger. Hmmmmmm.....should the gecko be worried?

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Creating Finger Faces When Bored!

     The next time you have to attend one of those mandatory meetings, try creating finger faces if you are bored!   So, you are sitting in a meeting counting tiles, checking out who is having a good or bad hair day, clicking your ballpoint pen bored out of your mind, just remember that you have a creative imagination!   Just start drawing on your fingers and snapping pictures with your phone.   It could be more fun than you think!  Now I am not saying any of the fingers in this picture belong to me (taken on data day at school), but I am not saying they aren't either! 

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Teachers and Bathroom Woes


 I have not ever written a song, but if I did I would dedicate it to teachers…..teachers who don’t get to use the restroom when Mother Nature calls.  It would be sung to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues, and it would go something like this…….

      “I hear the pipes a clangin’, Clangin’ down the hall, And I ain't seen the bathroom since I don’t know when.....I’m stuck in the classroom, and time keeps draggin’ on, but the pipes keep a clangin’ on down the hall.  When I hear those pipes a clangin’, I hang my head and cry; I bet there’s deans and children sitting in a stall, they've probably been drinkin’ coffee and sippin’ on some tea."
      OK….I better stop before I get myself in trouble!  Now I just need to decide which country artist should sing it for teachers everywhere!  

Saturday, September 21, 2013

My Printer Hates Me

      My printer hates me!  This past week I suddenly got a beep from the office intercom.  The school secretary comes on and says, “Ms. Wise, we just received a phone call from a school in another state, and they are complaining because you are printing to their computer!”  Did you pick up on the words, “ANOTHER STATE”?    She went on to explain that it is a color printer so they are really frustrated!  Of course, I am thinking, “Color, wow, I wonder if they would mind mailing it to me!”
This just boggles my mind because I would not know how to print to a computer in our neighboring town, Mulberry, much less a computer in another state.  Usually I just hit print and it magically appears at my desk.
      Of course, now I am afraid that every time I print, I am wasting some schools precious colored ink, and another negative phone call is forthcoming.  I figure I have probably made it to some FBI watch list at this point.  So now, with a sigh, I prayerfully push print, and hope it comes out at my desk and not three states away.  I might just start putting another teacher’s name on everything I print just in case the school gets any more complaints about my printing (I can always white the name out later).  Needless to say, I have a rocky relationship with my computer. 

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Seven Reasons Why You Are Fat

     Brenda, 7 Reasons Why You Are Fat!  This is what I saw when I checked my inbox this morning; it is from AARP.   I could not help but smile as I read the article to see the 7 reasons why I am fat.  They are as follows:  1. You don't plan at the buffet. 2. You're not sleeping enough. 3. You need to relax more. 4. You're surrounded by excess. 5. You're eating addictive food. 6. You drink soda through a straw. 7. Your tiny breakfast, big dinner.
    My first thought was buffet…..Brenda does not do buffets.  I am not sure why they did not include…..exercise. I definitely felt the article was weak, but what amazed me was the response from the AARP subscribers…….offended!  Personally, I thought the title was good marketing; it enticed me to read it; however, what really caught my attention was the ad in the margins……”A DDiscount For AARP members. Just show your valid AARP membership card when you purchase any Large or Extra Large beverage and get a FREE Donut!”  

Thursday, September 12, 2013

School Picture Day

      Since I am a teacher, I have a stack of school pictures from years gone by! I have seen my daughters flip these photos and howl with laughter at the different hairdos, outfits, and smiles. I have to admit, a few of them should have had a “warning” label on them. Each year I meticulously place my feet on the tape on the floor, tilt my head slightly, look into the camera, and smile. Why, I even put on extra blush before I head in the auditorium so that I don’t look too pale. Yes, I probably look a little hookerish walking down the hall with the extra blush slathered on my face. BUT, let me tell you what I did this year… teachers friends are going to be soooooo jealous! The photographer called me up to the camera to see if I liked my picture. Smiling sweetly, I said, “Is there any way you can back the camera up and take it again?” Now I never dreamed the camera could actually be backed up. The photographer replied, “Sure!” So, the camera was backed up (woot woot). Who knows, I might actually like my picture this year! I am wondering, however, if my picture will look like a faraway dot compared to the other teachers’ pictures in the yearbook! One can hope!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

That Time of Month

Girls and their periods! If I were writing a top ten comments list, this comment would definitely make the list. A female student approached me as she entered class today and said, “I just want to let you know that I might be grouchy for the next three days because I started my period!” Not really knowing how to respond, I replied, “Congratulations!” That was obviously not the right response because she then blurted out, “Congratulations! This is horrible!” In hind sight I realize that was a ridiculous response from me. This new event in her life was not shared with a quiet whisper but with boldness. Standing behind her was another female student who is not quite as….shall we say…..developed. She looked like I had just told her aliens would be taking over the school today! As the potential grouchy girl headed to her seat, I debated moving the boy she sits beside to the other side of the classroom just in case she decided to lash out at him during her “three day grouchy spell.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Awkward Moments

     Have you ever walked in on someone in the restroom?   If I made a list of awkward moments, walking in on someone in the restroom would definitely be on my list.  I must confess, I seem to have a knack for doing this.  Sunday I attempted to stroll into the restroom at Marshall’s…..if you have ever used this particular restroom, you are aware that the door swings open automatically once you start opening it….and it is hard to close again; therefore, it is not like I could quickly shut the door.  Holding her dress up and walking sort of like….hmmmmm…..a crab, this lady scurries to the door and says, “I’m not done!”  Obviously she thinks I am intentionally keeping the door open. Unfortunately for her, the main door to this little area was propped open, so people entering or exiting the store were able to watch this play out.
   Finally I get the door closed again only to look up at the exit area to see a lady obviously howling with laughter (a friend of hers).  I just smiled and shrugged.  Secretly I was hoping the “crab walker” would not try to kick my a@# when she came out.  

Friday, September 6, 2013

How Many Frogs Must You Kiss to Find Your Prince (or Princess) Charming?

        Yesterday when I sat down at my desk at school, I discovered a frog.  Unfortunately, he was all sprawled out…..dead!  I gingerly took 500 paper towels and carried him to the trash can before the kids came in and discovered him!  I smiled as I thought about fairy tales that imply we are all princesses waiting for our prince to come and save us so we can live happily ever after.  Wouldn't you know mine would be dead……

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Grading Papers

OODLES of writing papers to grade!  Ugh. It's kinda like laundry - it just never ends! How does a new or veteran teacher handle the hours of grading that can amount to a second full-time job?  Now that I think of it, I think I need a skinny cow to go with my grading.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Cake Diaster

I am no Martha Stewart!   Last Thursday I decided to bake a retirement cake for a good friend of mine at school, Eunice.  Actually her name is Beverly, but I gave her the retirement name of Eunice.  Now this cake was no ordinary box cake.   The ingredients called for chocolate chips, sour cream, powered sugar, salt free butter (not sure why)…..etc.  MMMMMM…..the house smelled so good while it was baking; however, I knew I was in trouble when I tried to get it out of the pans.

“Don’t panic!” I thought; after all, I know how to fix a broken cake.  There is always a solution, right?  I knew I needed to focus on what I could do before racing out to the store for a last minute substitute.  At 10:00 PM I was online reading things like….How to Fix a Shrunken Cake, Repair a Cake that Looks Like Crap, Manage your Temper when the Cake Sticks to the Pan, and How to Add Rum to a Cake.  I was leaning towards the last one, but I  figured I would not be able to take it to school.

In the end, I did the best I could trying to mend it with the icing.  Did I mention the icing was made from scratch too?  As I headed to bed, I said a quick prayer over my cake!  Standing in front of the refrigerator the next morning, rubbing my eyes, I could not believe what I saw.  My made from scratch cake looked like a boys soccer team had played a game on it!  Yep… was really bad.  I thought, “I can still take it to school and just pretend it was intentional!”  In the end, I made that last minute race to the store for a store bought cake!  It was a big hit!  

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Nose Blowing

Even though it is early in the year, I already have a number of sick students. I am absolutely astounded at how loud a 6th grade boy can blow his nose.  Some of my “nose blowers” sound like a race car flying around the track, or a musical instrument of some sort.  Sometimes when the “nose blower” starts, I will actually glance around the room thinking everyone is going to be snickering or disgusted; however, they are usually all on task and appear to be oblivious to the racket.  It is probably just as well that they appear to be unaware that there is suddenly a herd of elephants in the classroom because I might accidentally give them my, “I know, right?” look.  Maybe when I see a student approach the Kleenex box, I should announce, “Everybody take cover!”  

Monday, August 26, 2013

Do Mannequins Have Butt Cracks?

      Have you ever wondered if mannequins have butt cracks?  You have probably not ever asked yourself this question…..or if you have, you are not going to admit it!  I know I have not ever pondered this question; however, obviously my grandson, Brady, has!  Recently while at the mall, I noticed he and a buddy were standing in back of a male mannequin snickering rather loudly.  I quickly realized what they were doing, as did Brady’s mom who instantly put a stop to it.  Just in case you are wondering what the answer is…..”Yes”….at least this one had a butt crack according to my grandson (of course I did not peek).  I can only imagine what the future of mannequins will be.  I would suspect they will have robotic gestures and will turn to look at their watch, wink at people passing by, point to something in the distance, or, who knows, ride a trike around a toy store!  

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Frizzy Hair

     Frizzy Unruly Hair.....Welcome to your daily weather update…HUMID. It just so happens that I have Scott hair….I was taught this at a young age….Scott, meaning my bloodline (James and Mary Scott).  So, as a young child I learned that Scott hair is curly hair that quickly becomes frizzy in humid weather.  If you have curly hair, you know that it just does not mix with humidity.  Almost every day is a bad hair day.  Gels, frizz control products, mud, oils, and humidity hairsprays just don’t work.  I feel like I am always looking for products and/or shortcuts to keep the frizzies at bay.   Every month in Florida is August!  I have always wanted straight silky hair…you know the kind that flips back and forth in an adorable pony tail when you jog (of course I would have to take up jogging to experience this).  So, to all my curly headed friends, I feel your pain.  

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Telling Twins Apart

I have twins in my class again this year….identical twin boys.  Yesterday I asked one of them what the best way to tell them apart would be.  Now I am thinking of physical characteristics.  I am looking for a telltale feature…for example, a freckle, mole, eye brow arch, a bigger nose, creased earlobe, or even thinner fingers.   I am subtly scanning his face as I wait for his response.  He excitedly takes off his glasses to show me that the inside arm of his glasses is a different color than his identical twin brother.  I might be in a little trouble here. 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Online Dating

Online Dating.   As I prepare my classroom for this new school year, I have hooked up four computers, a SmartBoard, a printer capable of printing in two locations, and a document camera.  The good news is everything is working!  The bad news is….one of my student computers keeps giving me a message in Chinese; I have absolutely no idea what it is telling me!  Hopefully I have not connected with an online dating site in China.  I might need the network manager on this one. 

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Back to School

Grandson on the left....Nana (a teacher) on the right!  
Who looks more excited!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Flashing Red Light

     Red Light Alert. I should not admit to this, I know. Driving down the road the other day, I suddenly realized a red light was flashing on the dashboard of my new sparkly car. The word, “Pass”, was displayed with the annoying red light. I thought, “Pass… this car telling me I need to pass?” Then I realized there was a seat belt picture displayed behind the tomato red light. Finally, I figured out what the problem was… purse was so heavy that the car thought there was a passenger sitting beside me and that he/she had failed to put their seat belt on! Obviously the sensor was getting annoyed that the GUY (*smile*) was not buckled in. Stupid sensor…..what does it know? I guess I am going to have to start buckling my purse up too!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Potty Training

          Potty Training!  I remember the struggle of trying to potty train my son, Buck.  I can remember pulling up to his preschool day after day and seeing him standing there sweetly smiling, holding a plastic bag that contained his soiled big boy underpants.  I started worrying that I might still be working on potty training him in middle school. 

          Watching my daughter, Jodi, work on potty training with her son, Ryder, has been interesting.   I noticed that the sticker chart wasn't working, the M & M’s weren't working, nor was the poopy dance.          

          Jodi came up with a wonderful idea for anyone having trouble getting their little one to cooperate with potty training.  The “Poop Fairy”!  Think of the Tooth Fairy……only this magical fairy leaves little gifts under the child’s pillow if he or she has success on the potty!          

          Jodi used matchbox cars (from a garage sale), gum, candy, etc.  Sometimes she would resort to using one gummy bear from a pack.  You could even purchase a specific toy that involves many pieces and put one under the pillow each time there is success.  If you think a treat for each success is overkill, you could use the sticker chart, and after x number of successes, then the fairy leaves a gift under the pillow.

          There are a lot of verses in the Bible that speak to parenting, like, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he shall not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6); however, I sure could have used a few verses about potty training a child in the way they should go!  Unfortunately, such a potty training manual cannot be found in the scriptures.

          If you need some free potty training charts, here is a great site!

                     Free Potty Training Charts

Footnote:  My son, Buck, was eventually potty trained; hopefully he is not still wearing Masters of the Universe underwear.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Bulletin Board Fail

       Every year teachers strive to make their classroom warm and inviting to students.  A couple years ago, as I attempted to come up with a bulletin board that would make my room pop, I decided to visit JoAnn’s Fabric Store so I could make a DIY fabric covered bulletin board.  I don’t consider myself particularly crafty, but I was determined to give it my best. 

     Walking out the door twenty minutes later, I felt I had the perfect solution to an attention getting bulletin board.  I had purchased a large piece of material covered in bright rainbows on a black background.  I loved it!  

     The following day, I excitedly headed to my classroom to create my magical bulletin board.  Finally, standing back, I admired my colorful and eye catching creative work.  Now I was ready to greet my students with a warm and welcoming smile at the door on the first day of school. 

     Within a couple days I had a stream of teachers stopping by my classroom to view my colorful vibrant bulletin board.  Now don’t think I am bragging here…..they were not stopping by because they heard it was outstanding, but because they heard it looked like a bunch of male private parts.  

     How I missed it, I don’t know, but as I stood back and looked, I thought, “Oops, there it is!”  I am sure my howling could be heard down the hall.  Needless to say, I had to endure a lot of giggles cackling.  Thank goodness the principal never stopped by!  I don’t think it is written in the school rules, but you just can’t have a “male private part” bulletin board in middle school!          

     Needless to say, you will not find my bulletin board on Pinterest!   Now it is that time of year again when teachers start thinking about their bulletin boards….I think I will just head to Teacher’s Exchange this year!      

     Does God have a sense of humor?   I have never heard a sermon about God's sense of humor, or read a theology book that lists God's laughter as one of his characteristics; however, I see him as having a sense of humor.  If we do not see that side of God, I am not sure we will totally appreciate Him.  I can picture Him smiling and rolling his eyes as I hung my bulletin board!  Proverbs 17:22 – “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

Footnote:  I have not ever been asked to decorate the bulletin board in the hallway.  Thank goodness!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Dashing through the Mall! Ching, Ching, Ching!

Shopping with children is not for the weak!  Throwing a penny in the fountain, the bubble gum machine, an overstuffed umbrella stroller (filled with cheerios), a carousel ride in the  children’s play area (germs), nursing in a dressing room, a visit to the toy store (touching, touching, touching), backtracking for the baby shoe that fell off along the way, carry me whines, breaking up fights,  bathroom breaks (more germs), losing a kid in the clothing racks, petting a puppy at the pet store (begging), meltdowns, finding a place to change that diaper (you know the one that oozed out and up the babies back...UGH, and ice cream……Oh the memories of taking my three children to the mall! The bribes only worked so long.  At some point during the shopping experience, I would choose having my eyeballs rubbed with sandpaper over shopping!  I can vaguely remember, what seems like a previous life, shopping all day and having a leisurely lunch!

Finally finding that perfect outfit for myself, I make it to the dressing room (saying a sweet prayer under my breath) Getting undressed in a tiny dressing room jail cell with three kids is not fun!  They could care less about the wonderful buy or how the outfit looks on mama.  Somewhere along the way, that sweet prayer, turns into….well.…shall we say a “THREAT”. 

Of course history repeats itself!  Here are two of my grandsons on a recent shopping trip!  I tried to keep them entertained so their mom could do some shopping.  We played dare, and you are going to marry the next person that walks by; I think I made that game up (it did not go to well for me)!  Trying on masks was definitely a big hit!

Parents today can sit at home in their PJ's and shop online….so you are not likely to go on a killing spree. However, if you are going shopping with children, you better get your big girl britches on and your armor.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day which the Lord hath made; 
we will rejoice and be glad in it.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, 
 for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing 
of your faith develops perseverance.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Darth Vader, My Granddog

I just spent the last several days babysitting my grandkids Brock and Brady and my granddog!  My granddog, Vader, totally controls me!  Vader is a four year old pitch black Cockapoo.   He has three inch long eyelashes which curl up all on their own (I am jealous), with dark chocolate eyes that give him the ability to look sad at all times; he uses this look to manipulate me.   

Morning sweet morning!  When my feet hit the floor, I am not taking care of the needs of the boys….oh no, Vader comes first.  He does not realize I do not like to go outside in pajamas, so he gets very impatient as I get dressed.  Prancing through the grass he tugs and tugs on the leash determined to use the neighbor’s yard….NOT his own.  Back inside Vader is jumping at me for a treat for peeing in the neighbor’s yard (which he gets)! 

The boys have now settled in front of a video game (shhhhhhhhh).  As I am trying to be nana of the year and discuss what they want for breakfast, Vader is now talking to me by making  raspy breathy sounds that come from deep within his throat…..wanting his breakfast.   So, the boys are back on hold as I get Vader fed. 

Now, back to the little people and their breakfast……oops…not quite so fast!  Vader now wants to make sure I know that he gets a spoonful of peanut butter.  Of course he does not realize a tiny little white pill is hidden in it for seizures.  I did not realize his tongue is about a foot and a half long until I watched him eat his peanut butter/pill mixture.  My daughter, Jenny, stressed that I not forget to give him his medicine; how could I forget, he reminded me like clockwork. 

Whew, now I am back discussing breakfast options!  I now heard the click, click, click of Vader’s nails as he jumps at the front door wanting to go for his morning constitutional walk.  The school teacher in me is now wondering if “time out” works for dogs!   Promising the boys that I will fix breakfast soon, I head out with Vader on a leash hoping I can get him past the neighbor’s green green grass since this is going to be a little more serious.  He obviously does not like to cootie up his own yard!

Finally, the little ones get to eat sausage, eggs, and toast!  Guess who was under my feet the entire time I cooked!  Vader is certainly very pampered and humanized.  I don’t know about the boys, but the dog certainly thinks I am nana of the year!

Vader’s behavior reminds me of what a loving master he has!  Looking back over the last few days, I am reminded of my loving Master!  He leads me, feeds me, and brings me amazing blessings.  God knows us in such a personal way.  He knows what is important to us and what is weighing on our heart.  He sees our joys, burdens, and sorrows.  He wants us to walk with him!  He has provided us the keys that will bring happiness, contentment, and joy. 
Be still, and know that I am God...    Psalm 46:10 

Daily Devotions

                                   This is oh so true!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Easy Banana Poke Cake

Easy Banana Poke Cake

1 (10 oz.) box yellow cake mix
ingredients needed to make cake (eggs, oil & water)
2 (3.4 oz.) packages instant banana pudding
4 cups milk
1 (8 oz.) tub frozen whipped topping, thawed
20 vanilla wafers, crushed

Prepare cake mix according to package directions for a 9×13 cake.  Once cake comes out of the oven, allow it to cool for just a couple of minutes.  Then, with a wooden spoon handle or some other similarly-sized object, begin poking holes in the cake.  You want the holes to be fairly big so that the pudding has plenty of room to get down in there.   Be sure to poke right down to the bottom of the cake.
In a bowl, whisk together instant pudding with 4 cups milk.  Stir until all the lumps are gone. 

Let the pudding sit for just about 2 minutes, so it has just slightly begun to thicken but not fully set, it should still be easy to pour. Pour pudding over cake taking care to get it into the holes as much as possible.  Spread it all out and using the back of the spoon gently pushing pudding down into the holes.
Put the pudding into the fridge to set and cool.

Once your cake has completely cooled, spread on whipped topping.  If you haven’t done so already, crush your vanilla wafers.  I just place mine in a Ziploc bag and crush them with a rolling pin.
Leave some of the pieces big. It’s nice to have a bit of a crunch when you eat the cake.
Spread crushed wafers onto the top of the cake. You can do this part immediately before serving the cake if you like. This will ensure the wafers are Crunchy when you serve it. 

To me, it’s even better the next day so it’s a great dessert to make ahead of time.  Keep refrigerated.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Memorizing Phone Numbers

When you leave a store without making a purchase, do you ever feel a slight panic as you ask yourself, “Am I still carrying anything around with me? Do I still have on anything I tried on?” 

Yesterday as I was leaving Bealls with my new running tennis shoes (no, I don’t run, but they are adorable), I hear a lady yelling, “Miss!”  I turn to see her walking towards me at a brisk pace.  Still not sure if she means me, I yell, “Who, me?”  To which she responds, “YES!”  With my heart pounding, I am mentally preparing myself for a strip-search right there in the parking lot.  My sweaty hands are tightly clutching my new turquoise running shoes as she approaches.  I was PUNKED…wickedly laughing in a nearby car sat a friend of mine, Valerie Hillman, who had maliciously put her sister up to this! 

I have not ever been arrested, and I can’t imagine that I ever will be at this point in my life; however, since I am a speed dialer, I would  be in trouble when I was told I could make my one phone call.  At this point, my cell phone (tucked sweetly inside its blue/turquoise flowery and sparkled case - BLING) along with the rest of my valuables (purse and five shades of lipstick) would be locked in a vault in another part of the facility. 

Come to think of it, if I am ever arrested at….hmmmmm let’s say for some kind of protest or something, I DO know my work number.  I am not sure if it is proper etiquette to call the school where you work if you are arrested, but if it comes to this, I will definitely ask for Valerie Hillman. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

Creamy Banana Pudding

                                            Banana Pudding at Nana's House

Creamy Banana Pudding 

1 (14 oz.) can Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 ½ cups cold water
1 (4-serving size) package instant vanilla flavor pudding and pie filling mix
2 cups Cool Whip
36 vanilla wafers
3 medium bananas, sliced

In large bowl, combine sweetened condensed milk and water.  Add pudding mix; beat well. Chill 5 minutes.  Fold in whipped cream.  Spoon 1 cup pudding mixture into 2 ½-quart glass serving bowl.  Top with one-third each of the wafers, bananas, and pudding.  Repeat layering twice, ending with pudding.  Chill thoroughly.

Swimming Pool and Diarreah

Splash all you want! Throw others in! Bring your pet shark! and.......see below:

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Keep the Fork

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and was given 3 months to live. As she began getting her things "in order" she called her pastor and asked him to come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she wanted read, and what dress she wanted to be buried in. She also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible in her left hand.

Everything was in order and as the pastor was preparing to leave, the woman suddenly remembered one final request that was very important to her. "Please Pastor, just one more thing, she said excitedly. "Sure, what is it?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important to me, the woman continued....I want to be buried holding a fork in my right hand. The Pastor gazed at the woman, at a loss for words.

"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked.

The Pastor replied "well to be quite honest, I'm puzzled by the request." The woman explained. "You see, Pastor, in all my years of attending Church socials and potluck dinners, I remember that when the dishes were being cleared after the main course, someone would inevitably lean over to me and say "Keep Your Fork". It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming, like velvety chocolate cake or deep dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance to end the great meal.

The Pastor listened intently and a smile came upon his face.

The woman continued, "so, I just want people to see me there in the casket with a folk in my hand and I want them to wonder.....What's with the folk? ......than I want you to tell them: "KEEP YOUR FORK"....the best is yet to come.

The Pastor eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. He knew that this would be one of the last times that he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of HEAVEN than he did. She KNEW and trusted that the best was yet to come.

At the funeral, everyone that walked by the woman's casket saw her wearing a beautiful dress with her favorite Bible held in her left hand and a fork held in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard people ask the question, "Why is she holding a fork?" and his smile began to get larger and brighter each time.

During his message, the Pastor told the people about the conversation that he had with the woman shortly before she died. He explained the fork and what it symbolized to her.

The Pastor told everyone how he could not stop thinking about the fork and how he hoped that they would not be able to stop thinking about it either. That fork, and the meaning of it to the woman, had quite the impact on everyone and they are still sharing the story with people they meet.

And now it has been shared with the next time you reach for your fork, let it remind you, oh so gently, that the best is yet to come....

Throwing up and Snoring

          Last weekend I stayed with my grandsons so that their parents could go on a little romantic getaway. It was about midnight when I was awakened by my grandson’s sweet voice saying, “Nana, I just threw up!”  I jumped up and ran with him to the bathroom like a knight in shining armor. I just knew his little head was going to spin around and propel vomit in every direction before we made it to the bathroom.
            This was such a flashback for me because my daughter, his mom, frequently threw up as a child and sometimes made it to the bathroom, but mostly NOT.  As he is still clutching the toilet, he looks up with his little pale face and says, “Nana, you were snoring so loud when I woke you up!”  Now I could have done without that comment.      
         I finally get him settled down again on the couch and head to his room to survey the damage and determine if I have to rescue any stuffed animals.  It looks like a body has been chopped up all over the carpet.  I thought, “I could hire my own personal cleaning service.”  I quickly ruled that idea out.  I’m actually very excited that it did not end up on the walls.  I have cleaned up countless puke puddles (children, cats, dogs).  I got this!  I debated putting on the yellow raincoat I saw hanging in the closet earlier with goggles along with the yellow kitchen gloves; however, I was afraid if his little brother woke up and saw me, he would think that an evil superhero had come alive and was going to harm him.  Did I mention he has slept through this entire event?     
          Not knowing where they keep their “cleaning up throw-up rags”, I grab some washrags from the master bathroom.  They looked way too pretty for this job, and I soon discovered that these washrags absorb nothing. I have never seen anything like it……you can run them under water for fifteen minutes, and they are still not wet.  Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration.     Cleaning up puke, ahhhhh, just one of those little enjoyable and delightful tasks of parenting and grand-parenting!  I finally climb back into bed thinking, "Hmmmmmm....I wonder if I really do snore loud?"